Pain Unhealed
by moonshadow2012
Summary: My last-minute Bumblebee-angst-post-Season-1-finale dealio. Bumblebee becomes depressed after Optimus' betrayal and needs to find an outlet for his excess pain. But when he tries to figure things out someone may change his mind for him.


_"Bumblebee, what are you doing?"_

It hurt me to hear the pain and horror in Raf's voice. It hurt more to know that I was the source of his pain. All this was added to the pain I was already feeling, and that pain was greater than anything I'd felt before. Great enough to make me wish I was being tortured by Megatron again.

"Bumblebee's cutting."

They didn't realize that robots could do that too. They had known us for a long time, they knew more about us than any human alive. They knew of our – as they put it – _human_ qualities. They just hadn't taken into account that we could handle pain like they did. And my teammates hadn't taken into account that I was a lot like Raf – I imitated those I held in high regard. I copied them.

"Bee, you have to talk to us. What's going on?"

Arcee was feeling guilty. I didn't want her to, but she was. She knew where I had gotten this idea from. She knew who I had seen cutting, who I was imitating. She knew, and she didn't know what to do about it. 'Talk to us' was a cruel phrase. I hadn't been able to talk to someone since Megatron ripped my voice out. No one but Raf, and he was avoiding me now that he knew what I was doing. He felt betrayed. So did I.

"You can't do this Bee. You can't. You're destroying Raf! Don't you even care anymore?"

Miko didn't get it. She didn't get that I _couldn't_ care anymore. Caring hurt too much. Optimus had been like a father to me, someone I could count on and trust to always be there for me. But he wasn't anymore. Now that I looked back on it through my bitter, self-destroying hindsight, I saw that he never had been. When I was tortured by Megatron and lost my voice, he wasn't there. When I was in all those one-sided battles, he wasn't there. He wasn't there. He was never there! Never! Not when I needed him the most, and not now, when I needed him more.

"Bee? Where is he? Where is he?"

I wasn't there. I wasn't there because I needed to think. I didn't mean for Raf to worry. I didn't mean for anyone else to worry. I just needed to be alone. I needed to try to put everything behind me, shut it all in boxes in my mind like I did after all those other times I was hurt and betrayed. I needed to lock the boxes and throw away the key. I needed to keep them locked. For Raf, and for me. If I didn't lock them soon, both of us would be in trouble. I leaned back against the tree and closed my eyes. The only thing I heard after that was a deep laugh and a dark voice.

"Such a foolish scout."

_ "Calm down, Raf. He wouldn't do something stupid like take himself offline."_

_ "How do you know, Ratchet? You don't know him, and you don't know me. Nobody knows me but Bee and I need him!"_

"_Ratchet's right. He probably just went on patrol or something."_

"_BUMBLEBEE! COME BACK! PLEASE!"_

"_Raf! Raf! Calm down! Get back here! Raf!"_

_Floating is such a strange sensation. I felt like I wasn't connected to my body at all. I could see them all – Arcee, Bulkhead, Jak, Miko, Ratchet – trying to calm Raf down at the base. But he was freaking out, and trying to get out of there. I felt guilty for all the pain I'd caused him. I should apologize…_

"_Raf? It's okay, I'm right here. Raf? Raf, look at me. Can't you even hear me? Raf!"_

_I was suddenly much more afraid than I had been. I reached out for my human charge, but my hand passed right through him. I gasped and heard myself out loud, realizing too late that I had spoken in English. I fell to my intangible knees and grabbed my head, pain and guilt flooding through me. _No! I can't be dead! I'm not dead! No!

"_Bee? Where are you – I need you. Please don't be dead. Please. Please come back."_

_I want to. I'm so sorry Raf. Oh please, don't let me be dead. Let this be just a dream._

"Hello? Scout? Are you all right?"

I never thought I would be so glad to feel pain. Never thought I would welcome the spasm of agony that ripped through me when he didn't recognize me and treated me as an enemy. Never thought I would have the strength to turn and run away. Never thought I would be so happy in my nightmare.

"Bee, you're hurt."

Yeah, I'm hurt. I'm hurt but I'm alive and Raf is alive and Optimus is alive. Arcee and Bulkhead, Miko and Jak, even Ratchet – all alive. And as long as they are, I will have the strength to carry on. I will have the strength to heal. I will survive to make sure Raf never feels the pain I have, to make sure he has a childhood and a _life_. And that's all that really matters to me right now. But later…someday, when we're all stronger…

"Yes." Raf answers my unspoken question. "We will bring him back."

**Just something I had to do before Season 2 premieres. I had to put some angsty BB thing up in aftermath to what happened in the last season's finale. You guys know what I mean. Anyway, that's what this is all about. And in case you didn't catch it, Optimus was the one who saved Bumblebee and applied field first-aid on him. So yeah. REVIEW! Please!**


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